“The Love That Never Let Me Go” by Norma Benson

Norma, Robbi, Megan, Theo, Nichol, Brian, and Violet

Hi, my name is Norma Benson. I did not grow up in a Christian family. I grew up in a tiny mining town in Colorado. There were only about 500 people. We had an Episcopal church and a Catholic church, but there was no Christianity in our family when I was young.

When I was about eight or nine years old, my mother met some women in town who became important in her journey of discovering the Lord. She started going to the Episcopal Church, and she took us with her.

It was a very small congregation. There was no Sunday school. We simply went to the service on Sundays. But the church was very close. The people often gathered for suppers and other activities. Most of them were older, and they became like grandparents to me.

Little by little, I began to know the Lord. Sometimes I would catch something in a sermon. I remember going with my mother to the Stations of the Cross on Easter. At eight or nine years old, I remember thinking, “When is this ever going to end?” But even though I did not understand everything, pieces of it stayed with me.

That faith stayed with me through my parents’ divorce when I was about ten, my father’s death when I was about twelve, and my very rambunctious teenage years.

Through all of it, I always knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that the Lord was with me.

No matter what happened, I felt that the Lord was there. I believed that He would watch over me, protect me, and keep me safe through all my shenanigans.

Most importantly, I knew that somebody loved me.

After high school, I went to nursing school. Over the years, I went from church to church, looking for the feeling I had experienced in that little church in Colorado. I was looking for love, nourishment, friendship, and the presence of the Spirit.

I went to many churches in Colorado and New Orleans, and later around the Brewster area. But nothing filled that empty place in me.

Then I came to this church.

The first time I walked into the sanctuary upstairs, I knew. I said to myself, “This is it. This is it.”

I felt the love and the welcome that I had been looking for all those years.

My life has not always been easy. I struggled with alcoholism and depression. After my children left home to go to college, I became deeply depressed. I had devoted my whole life to my children. Everything I did was for them, and I do not regret that.

But when they left, I wondered, “What am I going to do now?”

I began drinking more. At first, it seemed to help me escape my emotions. I thought I could drink to ease the pain and loneliness. There were also difficult times in my marriage when I thought we might get divorced. I drank through those painful seasons, too.

Eventually, my children sat me down and told me, “Mom, you can’t go on like this. You need to do something.”

So I started going to AA.

I went through the Twelve Steps, including surrendering myself to God. But at first, my surrender was not really from my heart.

Then I came here.

Something changed.

Through the love of this congregation, through prayer, and through the Lord, I finally surrendered completely.

I said, “Lord, I’m yours. I’ve tried, and I’ve failed. I don’t know what else to do. So please, just tell me. Show me what I need to do.”

And He did.

I have now been sober for three years. I have no desire to drink. I even held a champagne glass and toasted the bride and groom at a wedding, but I had no desire to drink it.

The Lord showed me another way to live.

I give this church and the Lord 100 percent of the credit.

When I first came here, people opened their arms to me. After my first service, people came and talked with me. They welcomed me. They invited me downstairs. They invited me to sit with them. They talked with me and invited me to participate.

And when I came back, that love just grew.

For most of my life, I was very withdrawn and shy. I never would have gone anywhere or done anything by myself.

But I believe the Lord gave me a little push.

So I started doing things by myself.

I joined ladies’ groups. I volunteered at the 246 Community Kitchen. I started helping at church. I try to do as much as I can.

And I enjoy it immensely.

These things help carry me through.

I also made a commitment to come to church every Sunday. If I am in Wellfleet, I come to church.

I need it.

It reminds me of that first little church in Colorado. It gives me that same feeling of love and belonging.

And then something else happened.

Robbie started coming with me.

I would tell him every Sunday, “I’m going to church.”

He would say, “Let’s go do this.”

And I would say, “No, I’m going to church. You can come if you want to.”

For a long time, he said he wasn’t going to come.

Then one Sunday, as I was getting ready for church, he asked me, “What should I do with the dogs? Should I put them in their crates?”

I said, “Why do you want to put the dogs in their crates?”

He said, “Because I’m going with you.”

I was so happy.

Robbie had grown up in the Episcopal Church. His family was active, and he had been an altar boy. But as he grew older, he felt that what he heard in church and what he saw outside the church did not always match. So he eventually became agnostic.

Now he comes with me.

He listens.

Sometimes he asks me questions about something he heard in the sermon. And when he does, I think, “Wow. He’s thinking.”

I am grateful for that.

When I look back at my life, I am amazed that what I learned as an eight- or nine-year-old child stayed with me.

Through my parents’ divorce, my father’s death, my teenage years, depression, alcoholism, and all the difficult seasons of my life, that little seed of faith remained.

I knew I needed help.

And somehow, I knew where to find it.

It took me a long time to get there.

But the Lord never let me go.

I think sometimes we want to erase the darkness in our lives. But we cannot always do that ourselves.

Instead, we can look for the light.

When we light a candle, we do not have to fight the darkness. The light simply shines, and the darkness begins to disappear.

That is what the Lord has done in my life.

He brought His light into my darkness.

And now I hope that I can share that light with someone else.

If I could give one thing to my children and grandchildren, it would be hope.

I hope they can know the power and the love of the Lord.

I pray that they will feel His love and experience His peace, especially when life is difficult.

I want them to know that the Lord is there, even when they cannot see Him.

My favorite Scripture is John 3:16:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.”

I may not always be able to say every word perfectly, but I know what it means.

God loved us enough to give His Son for us.

That love has carried me all my life.

And I believe my story is not finished.

It is going to get better and better.

I hope that I can help somebody else.

I hope I can bring the Lord to someone who is looking for Him.

I want to be a disciple.

And I want to help make disciples.

Because I have learned this:

The Lord was With me before I knew His name.
He stayed with me when I wandered away.
He found me when I finally surrendered.
And His love never let me go.